If your child was anywhere near news or social media this weekend they were very likely exposed to comments, hashtags, or photos relating to the terrorist attacks in Paris. This means they very likely have questions — even if they haven’t figured out how to ask them yet.
When bad things happen to good people, parents to want to shield their children from the horrors of the world. Parents will do anything to ensure the physical safety and the emotional well-being of their child. Instead of avoiding these tough-to-talk-about times, choose to use them as an opportunity to replace any anxieties your child may have with empowering lessons they can carry with them for the rest of their lives.
It may be best if you can initiate the dialogue with your child to see what they know, what they think they know, and what they want to know. This will help you to separate the facts from whatever fictions are fueling their fears.
You can then use this information to frame your conversation in the most age-appropriate manner possible and instill within them the certainty of their future safety.
There Are No Foolish Fears
Children have active imaginations and will sometimes envision a course of action that may not be rational or realistic. This is especially true of younger children who are afraid that something bad will happen to their family. It is very important that children not be made to feel like their fears are foolish. Instead, do your best to replace their fears with facts. In times of uncertainty, children are looking for reassurance.
For younger children, explain to them that they are safe and loved, and that you will always be there to protect them. If they are older, it is perfectly acceptable to explain to them that even though the attacks in Paris were tragic, these types of attacks are very rare.
For both age groups, focus on the good: the first responders who rushed to help; the police who stopped the offenders; and the people who opened their homes to strangers. This is also perfectly appropriate time to remind your children about the precautions you take to protect yourself, as well as the everyday safety precautions taken to safeguard your home and their school. Try to realign their fears toward a more positive focus by assuring your children just how much they are safe, loved, and protected.
Children Need a Trusted Source of Information
Parents should not feel burdened to “know everything.” If your child asks you a question and you are unsure of how to respond, “I don’t know, but I’m going to find out right now” is a perfectly acceptable answer. So is, “That’s a really important question, and I want us to take time to discuss this. How about tonight at dinner?” This will buy you the time you need seek out the best advice to answer your child’s specific questions.
This response also serves two important purposes:
- It establishes the parent as a trusted source of information in their children’s lives.
- It removes the fear factor some children have of not asking their parents a questions for fear “they won’t know.”
Empowering your child with the comfort and confidence to come to you with any questions they may have lays the foundation for future — more challenging — subject matter conversations.
Empower Your Child with a Simple Safety Strategy
Teaching your child what to do if there is an emergency is just as important as doing your very best to protect them from harm. When talking to children about safety, try do so calmly without raising their level of anxiety. Provide your child with simple solutions to problems they can solve themselves. Ideally, you want to have them be engaged in their own decision making process, to utilize their own problem-solving skills, and then practice those skills in a safe learning environment. Teaching children about safety on the streets is no different then teaching them about the hazards of fire. We don’t simply teach them that fire is dangerous, we have them practice STOP, DROP, AND ROLL.
Reassure your children that the world is full of good, decent, hardworking people who will do almost anything to help a young child in need. Empower them with realistic and practical actions they can take if they have an emergency and no one they know is nearby to help.
The 3 F’s of “Family, Food and Flags” are easy-to-remember reminders for where children can find help:
FAMILIES – or any adult with young children can be trusted to ask for help.
FOOD – anywhere food is served or sold is a good place to ask for help. Food providers are checked and inspected prior to being given a permit. If your child is ever in trouble and they don’t know where to go teach them to Run to a Restaurant.
FLAGS – Flags are friendly. Buildings waiving flags or anyone with a flag on their uniform like police officer, a fireman, or a soldier can be trusted to help.
Remember: The more educated your child becomes about the realities of the world around them, the less likely they will be to succumb to the the fantasies of their fears. Cultivating an open and honest conversational relationship with your child will help to reduce the possibility of emotional difficulties and will promote the resiliency your child needs to live a safe, secure, and successful life.
Updated: Watch as this little boy realizes only love can protect Paris.
“The flowers and the candles are here to protect us.”
We can no longer teach our children only about the good in the world. We need to frame their expectations to the bad as well. Not to be afraid, but to be aware. To understand that in all of us their is both good and evil. Because, sometimes bad things have to happen so that the good in us can grow stronger. For only when we embrace the good in us can our souls grow bigger, our minds think clearer, and our hearts love deeper.
That everyday has both day and night, but that even the darkest nights have stars in the sky — and that’s how you know that the light is winning.
Awareness + Preparation = Safety
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Spencer Coursen is the President of Coursen Security Group. He is an expert security advisor, threat assessment consultant, and protective strategist who is dedicated to reducing risk and preventing violence. His systems and strategies help corporations, non-profit organizations, schools, and at-risk public figures ensure the certainty of safety for all involved.
@SpencerCoursen / @CoursenSecurity
https://www.facebook.com/Coursen.CSG
Spencer Coursen 